Even Better than Finding My Glasses on Top of My Head

Ohmygawd. I’m laughing so hard I have tears pouring down my face. Ohmygawd.

I lost my phone in my office upstairs and asked Scott to call my number for me. He couldn’t find HIS phone at first. He went out to his car to look for it. Meanwhile, I came back downstairs and decided to call my cellphone on our landline phone. Before I could dial the number, though, I heard a phone ringing somewhere near me. I thought maybe it was Scott’s phone. I started turning around and around in circles trying to detect where the ringing was coming from.

Scott came in at this point. He’d found his phone in the car, and dialed my phone before he came back inside. The ringing I heard was my own phone. But where the heck was it?

And then Scott says… he says… ohmygawd, this is even better than finding my glasses on top of my head… Scott says, “It’s on your ass. You’ve got your phone in your back pocket.”

HAHAAHARHAHAHAHAR!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAR!!!!!!!
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

May You Love the Hell Out of the World

My dear Humoristian hooligans,

Today may you love the hell out of the world. May you open the floodgates of Love and let Love water the weary hearts athirst for kindness and caring. May you refuse to allow fear and hate to steal your hope and courage. May the bigots, bullies, and busybodies be transformed by your open hearts and good will to all. May the stodgy, stuffy, and stingy be transformed by your irrepressible joy. May you bring laughter to those in sorry need of a good laugh, and hope to those ascared of the future.

Go out there and work your magic, my friends!

Karen
https://madcapchristianscientist.com/2023/11/06/love-the-hell-out-of-the-world/

A Classic

A classic. 😀

When You Google Yourself…

Thyme four a Homonymese Tail

Thyme fore a homonymese tail, write?

Wants upon a thyme their lived a we buoy named Peat. Peat liked two run threw the fourest inn the mourning when the mist was still lifting from the earth and the day creatures were just waking up. Hee wood all weighs run two the top of the hill too watch the sun rise over the land below hymn.

Won mourning hee saw TOO suns rise over the land.

(Eye am now going two end this won like every student at sum point in grade school has ended an impossible story.)

And then hee woke up.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Ode to Pencil and Paper and Maps

Gone are the days of pencil and paper –
of quick mental computation and physical maps.
Now we depend upon calcuators and google,
on thumbs and updates and apps.
And with each update my computer
seems to get slower –
I think right now I could beat it in a race
to find the answers I need
with greater speed
using pencil and paper and maps.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

“The Referee Makes the Final Decision on Spotifications”

Sports commentator: The referee makes the final decision on spotifications.

Me: Spotifications? Is this, like, an actual thing? (Quick google.)

Spotification (Urban Dictionary): The act of formulating and conceiving the best Spotify playlist.

Huh. I had no idea that refs were involved in this.
-KMT

A Vacation on the Hallmark Channel

I have already voted in the midterm elections. And now I sit, cocooned in the recliner, watching Hallmark Christmas movies. There are no political ads on the Hallmark channel. I feel like I’m visiting a faraway foreign land. I’m being gently anesthetized by sparkling Christmas glitter, close-ups of pleasant faces, and an endless stream of background music sung by sweet-voiced sopranos, accompanied by a pianist playing only major chords.

I think I can watch Hallmark movies all night.

I tell my husband this, and he says, “Oh God.”

And then I mention to my husband, that the smile the leading man just gave his romantic lead was a little creepy, wasn’t it? And… all these characters in this movie were invited to this inn by an unknown benefactor… doesn’t that sound like the beginning of a murder mystery?

My husband and I begin creating an alternative plot for this movie. The husband says that “Chucky” will make an appearance. I say there’re going to be Christmas clowns – and not the cheery kind. And, I say, the Hallmark music is going to fade into something sinister with lots of minor chords.

We have fun with this for a while. And then I get back to the business of finishing this Hallmark movie. It turns out the leading man isn’t a serial killer, after all. The leading lady finds love. No scary clowns make an appearance. The benefactress has a happy connection to the other characters. Everybody survives. The major chords continue to the end. All ends well.

Another Hallmark movie begins. I make it about five minutes before I reach my Hallmark movie saturation point and need to turn the TV off. I’m ready to return to reality now. But I feel strangely refreshed – like I’ve just returned from a vacation on a happy, hermetically-sealed island.

Okay. Back to the political ads.
-KMT

A Poem: Wordle Word Rolling Behind My Eyelids

A thank you to all my friends who’ve gotten me into the wordle word craze. What would my life be without you?

Thanks to all of you
I now close my eyes to sleep
and see wordle words
rolling behind my eyelids
instead of counting sheep

I wake in the middle of the night
with wordle words in my head –
“sight, tight, write, fight,
light, might, right” – is “shite”
a wordle word? I ask as I lie in bed.

One of you mentioned “octordle” last week
and I felt myself getting ascared –
What next? I asked myself in a panic –
will there be Spanish wordles and French ones?
Oh, merde.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

The Fine Art of Humorship

I do, of course, know everything. Mostly. Now and then. I mean… well… even a clock, right? And I AM the co-founder of Humoristianity. Which. That certainly (possibly?) gives me some expertise (okay, not really) on the art of humorship. So, as a possible maybe expert on humor, here are my thoughts about the art of comedy:

My favorite comedians are the ones who can laugh at THEMSELVES. I love people who don’t take themselves too seriously – comedians who recognize their OWN flaws and make fun of their OWN nonsense. (Lucille Ball was a great example of this.)

I also have respect for those comedians who aren’t afraid to laugh at the powerful and the corrupt – who aren’t afraid to use their art to battle injustice and inequity and bigotry – I might even consider those comedians to be heroes. (Charlie Chaplin in “The Great Dictator” is a great example of this.)

But the “comedians” who make fun of people with disabilities or medical conditions, or who make fun of people because of their age or gender or race – who make fun of other people because of their physical appearance – those comedians are bullies, not heroes, and I don’t find them particularly funny.

In my highly (questionable) expert opinion, cruelty is not funny. My first lesson to those wanting to be funny is to laugh at yourself before you laugh at anyone else. Laugh at your biggest enemy – your own ego.

Karen
(Originally posted on Madcap Christian Scientist.)