Moz’s Trip to the Dentist

Took Moz (88 years, 10 months) to the dentist this afternoon, and ohmygawd – it was like going to a comedy club! We’re filling out all the forms in the waiting area, and Moz has to put her signature on another one. “Again?!” she asks, exasperated. “Behave yourself,” I tell her, laughing, and she says, “Don’t make me laugh – I’m trying to sign this thing.” She finishes signing the paper and hands it back to me. “You know,” she says, “I’ll get all these papers signed, and then next week I’ll die.”

Missy, the dental lady comes out to get her, and Moz gets up to follow her with her walker. “Watch out,” she says, “I don’t have a license for this thing.” Missy starts cracking up.

Missy gets Moz situated in the dental chair, and turns the light on to start working on her teeth. Moz tells her to feel free to pluck any chin hairs she finds. Missy starts laughing. She hands Moz a glass of water to rinse. She asks Moz how she’s doing. Moz tells her, “I’m full of it.” Missy grins, and asks, “You’re full of it?” Moz says, “Water, that is.” And Missy cracks up.

Missy and Moz find out they were born three days apart at the end of December. “When you’re born at the end of the year, everyone always makes you a year older than you are,” Moz complains. And Missy adds, “Merry Christmas and happy birthday!” Then they discover they’re both left-handed, too!

Then Hansrolf comes in. Hansrolf is my favoritest dentist, ever. He’s like a stand-up comic. He and Moz immediately take to each other. Moz tells him she came here for the entertainment. She tells Hansrolf he should give Missy a raise. Hansrolf says what he needs to do is get all of us out of there – he is out-numbered and we are ganging up on him. Moz responds with some smartassery, and then she notes, “I probably shouldn’t have said that, eh?” And Hansrolf says, “Not just before I start working on your teeth, no.” Moz is still embarrassed about her chin hairs, and Hansrolf grins and says, “Don’t worry about any chin hairs. We’ll just work around them if we find any.”

They end by telling each other Norwegian jokes. Here’s Moz’s: “Ole says his wife is an angel. Sven tells Ole, ‘You’re lucky. My wife hasn’t died, yet.'” Hansrolf laughed so hard he almost fell off his chair. 🙂

President Wingoov Sounds Kind of Nice

Yes, my friends, I believe the time has come to announce my candidacy for President of these great United State of America. I know most of you have… umm… that is to say, a great many of you… well, certainly some of you… or… I’m pretty sure there’s got to be at least one crackpot… I mean… individual… who has long awaited this announcement. So I give you leave to blow your kazoo and doff your groucho glasses and throw festive confetti (no, no, not the shredded newspapers from the bottom of the hamster cage … surely you can find something else…oh, never mind…) into the air with wild abandon, for now is the time for celebration. THE WINGOOV HAS ARRIVED.

After recent… hell, after YEARS… of unholy abuse (I was going to write “unholy shenanigans” – but “shenanigans” is too awesome a word to use on the likes of politicians) by the people we elected to represent us and serve us, I have decided to do my humble part and throw my Groucho glasses into the ring. I mean. Seriously. How much worse could I be than the fellows we’ve had in there for the last 30 years?

Let’s just put out there right from the get-go where I stand on the issues, shall we?

The Economy
“Trickle down” is a big, fat crock. It’s never worked, and it never will. History has shown that whenever we try to solve our nation’s economic woes by shoveling out billions of dollars to CEOs, that money is rarely going to make it to the rest of us. I know. Hard to believe. But there you have it: The top 2% actually seem to like being in the top 2%.

The Environment
I ain’t ascared to say it: Global warming is real, and humans are responsible for it. We need to find and use alternative forms of energy to fossil fuels, and we need to do this, like, now. If we can’t work together and do this we are going to find ourselves fricaseed in a massive methane burp. Moving on…

Bigotry is Balderdash
No, It is not cool to be a bigot, and it is not cool to be a bully. No one should be denied the rights everyone enjoys just because of her or his gender, sexual orientation, religion, non-religion, ethnicity, or race. Let’s treat each other fairly. This is America, dammit.

Health Insurance
Health insurance should be a basic right. People shouldn’t be denied the health care they need just because they’re poor or unemployed. Health care shouldn’t be tied in to a person’s job. Everyone should have access to it. Duh, right?

Okay, this is a start. Got to get to work.

I really wish our current senators felt the same way.

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