Just Another Day in America

I’ve been debating whether or not to share this – it’s kind of embarrassing. I think my Republican friends will appreciate the humor in this, though, and I think my Democrat friends will get a good guffaw from it, too. Yea and verily, may rich and poor, conservative and liberal, white and black, gay and straight and purple and pink polka dotted and zebra-striped come together in unity at this time to laugh at another classic Karen Moment.

So we’re in this diner, and I notice a couple of motorcyclists sitting at another table. Their jackets are festooned in badges. The woman has a badge for Canada – which, I love Canada. And I notice the man has a badge for Obama – and I’m thinking these are my people, right?

So as they’re leaving I say to the man: I love everything you’ve got going on with those badges.

And the man says, “Really? I wasn’t so sure the people on the west coast would appreciate this one,” and he points to the Obama badge.

I tell him I love that one, and he seems really surprised and pleased by this. And then I look closer and see that the badge actually says, “Obama: The biggest bada$$ mistake America ever made.”

And I say, “Oh. I voted for him.”

And he says, “Yeah.” And gives me the sweetest smile – kind of disappointed and sad – but really sweet. And then he says – and this is genuine, “But you have a really good day, okay?”

And I wish him a really good day back.

And so it goes. Another day in America. 🙂

– Karen

America

 

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We are living in wonky times…

Dear Humoristian hooligans,

We are living in wonky times, to be sure. But we shall not be ascared of FOX “news” by night, not for the tweets that flieth by day; Nor for the loose cannon that rolls over all diplomatic negotiations in darkness; nor for the really insane cabinet nominations that wasteth at noonday. Because you have made actual news your source of information, and love your guide, you shall be a source of truth and good will to all you meet. You will be met with kindness and honesty, you will bring laughter to those in desperate need of a good guffaw, and a helping hand to those who need a lift up.

It’s going to be alright. Maybe. You might as well laugh.

Wingoof

“I have decided to concede…”

After much careful thought and a lot of agonized soul-searching I have decided to ask my many supporters in my bid to become the next POTUS to cast their votes, instead, for another candidate. This decision wasn’t easy for me, my fellow Americans. As you know, I have worked long and hard to win your vote for President…which… okay…  maybe not so much long and hard… maybe more like sporadically and with good intention… or… okay, I’ve twice now written blog posts suggesting you might maybe perhaps consider my bid for the presidency. Anyway, putting my really serious… or… okay, mostly serious… alright, alright… half-assed… aspirations aside, I ask that you, please, dear God, do not vote for Donald Trump. I ask that you vote for the candidate who has pledged to do all she can to make the Democractic Platform a reality for Americans. Yes, that’s right, let it be known that I, The Great Wingoof, fully support the Democratic platform – a platform that seeks equal rights for all Americans – regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, religion, non-religion, or sexual orientation; universal health care; debt-free college; protection for our environment; and etc. And I support the candidate who has sworn to back that platform. 

I do not support the candidate whom Tim Kaine so eloquently described for us in his DNC speech: “Do you really believe him? Donald Trump’s whole career says you better not. Small contractors… believed him when he said he’d pay them to build a casino in Atlantic City. They did the work… but a year after opening Trump filed for bankruptcy – he walked away with millions and they got pennies on the dollar… Retirees and families in Florida believed Donald Trump when he said he’d build them some condos… thousands of ’em… they paid their deposits. But the condos were never built. He just pocketed their money and walked away. They lost tens of thousands of dollars… Thousands of Trump University students believed Donald Trump when he said he’d help them succeed. They got stiffed.”

I do not support the candidate who wants to build a wall of exclusion and isolation; who has hated on disabled people, women, Muslims, Mexicans, and others. And no, this is not about people maybe getting their “feelings hurt” – this is about people being in danger of losing their lives. This is not about who is the most “politically correct” – people who brag about being UN-politically correct and then use their words to hate on others aren’t somehow braver or smarter or wiser than anyone else. They are haters, is what they are. And some other words that I will not use at this time. 

So please – I’m begging you – if you were one of Wingoof’s many thousands of supporters… or… okay, I’m pretty sure I had at least two, right? One?! – anyway… please vote for Hillary Clinton this November. 

Thank you,

Karen Wingoof

“It can be frustrating, this business of democracy. Trust me, I know… when the other side refuses to compromise… (but) I promise you when we keep at it, when we change enough minds… then progress does happen. Democracy works, America. But we gotta want it. Not just during an election year, but during all the years in between. We all need to be as vocal and persistent as Bernie Sanders’s supporters have been this election… Feel the Bern! “
– Pres. Obama

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President Wingoov Sounds Kind of Nice

Yes, my friends, I believe the time has come to announce my candidacy for President of these great United State of America. I know most of you have… umm… that is to say, a great many of you… well, certainly some of you… or… I’m pretty sure there’s got to be at least one crackpot… I mean… individual… who has long awaited this announcement. So I give you leave to blow your kazoo and doff your groucho glasses and throw festive confetti (no, no, not the shredded newspapers from the bottom of the hamster cage … surely you can find something else…oh, never mind…) into the air with wild abandon, for now is the time for celebration. THE WINGOOV HAS ARRIVED.

After recent… hell, after YEARS… of unholy abuse (I was going to write “unholy shenanigans” – but “shenanigans” is too awesome a word to use on the likes of politicians) by the people we elected to represent us and serve us, I have decided to do my humble part and throw my Groucho glasses into the ring. I mean. Seriously. How much worse could I be than the fellows we’ve had in there for the last 30 years?

Let’s just put out there right from the get-go where I stand on the issues, shall we?

The Economy
“Trickle down” is a big, fat crock. It’s never worked, and it never will. History has shown that whenever we try to solve our nation’s economic woes by shoveling out billions of dollars to CEOs, that money is rarely going to make it to the rest of us. I know. Hard to believe. But there you have it: The top 2% actually seem to like being in the top 2%.

The Environment
I ain’t ascared to say it: Global warming is real, and humans are responsible for it. We need to find and use alternative forms of energy to fossil fuels, and we need to do this, like, now. If we can’t work together and do this we are going to find ourselves fricaseed in a massive methane burp. Moving on…

Bigotry is Balderdash
No, It is not cool to be a bigot, and it is not cool to be a bully. No one should be denied the rights everyone enjoys just because of her or his gender, sexual orientation, religion, non-religion, ethnicity, or race. Let’s treat each other fairly. This is America, dammit.

Health Insurance
Health insurance should be a basic right. People shouldn’t be denied the health care they need just because they’re poor or unemployed. Health care shouldn’t be tied in to a person’s job. Everyone should have access to it. Duh, right?

Okay, this is a start. Got to get to work.

I really wish our current senators felt the same way.

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Call Me Crazy, But…

This headline from the BBC certainly caught my attention: “US Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has said her primary race against Bernie Sanders is effectively over.” Here’s a link to the story: http://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2016-36335319

Now call me crazy, but it seems to me that ignoring half your party’s members and hoping they’ll go away is probably not the best way to win an election. I do not hate Hillary Clinton. But I am not particularly inspired by her, either. And right now I am feeling like she’s not at all interested in me, or my concerns, or my vote. I am feeling discounted and disenfranchised from the party I’ve supported for more than 30 years. It really stinks.

And I’m wondering: If she can’t even get her own party united, how the heck is she supposed to get the nation united?

We are living in interesting times, my friends.

-Karen