BREAKING NEWS: SLUG MASSACRE. 56 slugs met their untimely deaths today when a Seattle-area gardener (moi) went out to water her Secret Garden and found the afore-mentioned victims wandering over the dew-covered grass in a pansy-drunk stupor. Without mercy, and showing no signs of remorse at what she was about to do, the Seattle-area gardener (moi) filled her watering can with the hapless creatures and paid a visit to the local ducks, who filled their little duck bellies with the shell-less escargot in an orgy of consumption. And so begins another day in western Washington.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell