President Wingoov Sounds Kind of Nice

Yes, my friends, I believe the time has come to announce my candidacy for President of these great United State of America. I know most of you have… umm… that is to say, a great many of you… well, certainly some of you… or… I’m pretty sure there’s got to be at least one crackpot… I mean… individual… who has long awaited this announcement. So I give you leave to blow your kazoo and doff your groucho glasses and throw festive confetti (no, no, not the shredded newspapers from the bottom of the hamster cage … surely you can find something else…oh, never mind…) into the air with wild abandon, for now is the time for celebration. THE WINGOOV HAS ARRIVED.

After recent… hell, after YEARS… of unholy abuse (I was going to write “unholy shenanigans” – but “shenanigans” is too awesome a word to use on the likes of politicians) by the people we elected to represent us and serve us, I have decided to do my humble part and throw my Groucho glasses into the ring. I mean. Seriously. How much worse could I be than the fellows we’ve had in there for the last 30 years?

Let’s just put out there right from the get-go where I stand on the issues, shall we?

The Economy
“Trickle down” is a big, fat crock. It’s never worked, and it never will. History has shown that whenever we try to solve our nation’s economic woes by shoveling out billions of dollars to CEOs, that money is rarely going to make it to the rest of us. I know. Hard to believe. But there you have it: The top 2% actually seem to like being in the top 2%.

The Environment
I ain’t ascared to say it: Global warming is real, and humans are responsible for it. We need to find and use alternative forms of energy to fossil fuels, and we need to do this, like, now. If we can’t work together and do this we are going to find ourselves fricaseed in a massive methane burp. Moving on…

Bigotry is Balderdash
No, It is not cool to be a bigot, and it is not cool to be a bully. No one should be denied the rights everyone enjoys just because of her or his gender, sexual orientation, religion, non-religion, ethnicity, or race. Let’s treat each other fairly. This is America, dammit.

Health Insurance
Health insurance should be a basic right. People shouldn’t be denied the health care they need just because they’re poor or unemployed. Health care shouldn’t be tied in to a person’s job. Everyone should have access to it. Duh, right?

Okay, this is a start. Got to get to work.

I really wish our current senators felt the same way.

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3 thoughts on “President Wingoov Sounds Kind of Nice

  1. And let’s not forget political reform; no more Gerrymandering, Citizen’s United, camPAIN shrinking, etc. (whatever else needs doing)

    If Bernie doesn’t get it, I could write you in. However, this is too reasonable a platform for a Humoristian, so……

    😉

  2. Pingback: “I have decided to concede…” | humoristianity

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