Sex in the Kitchen: Greed, Passion, and a Gazillion Fruitflies

In the beginning there was a kitchen. And darkness was upon the face of the kitchen. And Karen said, “Let there be light.” And she flicked the lightswitch and there was light. And, verily, it was very good. And Karen said “Let there be fruit.” And Karen went to the local Fred Meyer’s and loaded her shopping cart (one of those little ones that are easier to maneuver through the produce section) with organic mangos, bananas, and one really big pineapple. And Karen brought the fruit home, to reside in her kitchen until she chose to ate it.

And Karen did NOT bring fruitflies into her kitchen, because she is not that crazy.

But they came.

First there was only one. He was a wild fruitfly (I should probably explain at this juncture that, according to the Department of Mathematics and Computer Sciences for Hobart and William Smith Colleges, there are two types of fruitflies – “wild” ones and “mutant” ones.  I, personally, think it’s kind of insulting to the mutant ones to refer to them as “mutant ones” – why don’t we just call them “domestic” – I mean,  in my house they seem to have settled in and made themselves right at home – which pretty much makes them domesticized, right?).  He had really cool-looking sex combs on his forelegs – black and bristly and really sexy. No female fruitfly could resist his bristles.  And so She came.  ( )

And, with the heady, tropical smells of banana and pineapple filling the kitchen,  and their greedy bellies (do fruitflies have bellies?) full of banana, the fruitflies had wild and passionate fruitfly sex.  And reproduced like… well, fruitflies.

And now there were hundreds of the little buggers.  Who reproduced like fruitflies.  And then there were thousands. And within a week or two (keeping in mind that the lifecycle of a fruitfly is about 10 days, according to the Departments of Mathematics and Computer Sciences at Hobart and William Smith – and why, I’m wondering, is a department of Computer Sciences involved in fruitfly sex?), there were, like, a gazillion of them!!!

And they lived happily ever after in Karen’s kitchen.

(As a side note, we might mention that Karen and her family abandoned the kitchen and the rest of their house, moved to the other side of the mountains, and never brought fruit into their home again.)


4 thoughts on “Sex in the Kitchen: Greed, Passion, and a Gazillion Fruitflies

  1. Hahah Karen! We have the same thing going on at our house! Our fruit flies like the bird food we feed our parrots. It contains veggies and fruit. There comes a point when you finally have to just accept them as your new family members….who refuse to get jobs.

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