I resolve to learn the fine art of being slippery when it comes to resolutions – i.e., I will whole-heartedly endeavor to couch all my words in ways that will make it easy for me to get around actually making resolutions. With this guiding resolution in mind –
1) I resolve to be more patient with the people I want to be more patient with.
2) I resolve to get back that girlish figure – similar to the one I had five minutes ago, before I got it in my noggin that it might be a good idea to eat that entire box of chocolate raspberry truffles. (Note that “girlish” is a relative term here, and can easily be got around when it comes to someone trying to pin me down with specifics – I mean, I very carefully did not say MY girlish figure [which might actually require some work on my part] – but THAT girlish figure – and for all you know I could be describing Buddy Hackett’s girlish figure here. I know. I’m in awe of my lack of resolution, too).
3) I resolve to cut down on the chocolate and Starbucks, and might even think about going a day or two or three without either.
4) I resolve to think about giving more to the causes that matter, and less to those that don’t. (In other words, politicians and political parties probably shouldn’t waste any more of their money sending me fliers and calling my home.)
5) Segueing from #4: I resolve to really put more thought into my bid for presidency of this greatish nation (ha! – try saying THAT really fast – “greatish nation”).
6) I resolve to know when I have nothing more to say about resolutions and to just shut up.
Wishing all you wonderful Humoristian hooligans a most spectacular new year! May your resolutions be merry and light, and may your new year be bright with possibilities!
–Popellina Karen Wingoov
P.S. The Humoristian Chronicles can now be found in print form on Amazon.com! Yee haw!